my final grasp at understanding the nature of this world before voting, Nov. 2, 2004.
please accept my apologies for not capitalizing nor editing to the best of my ability, but i�ve procrastinated writing this piece for many months now. today, however, an election day in America, i got up with three things in mind: to vote, to go for a run, and to grade exccessively in order to be half way decent as a teacher.
i began with my run, which was accompanied by a steady pace of race all morning and which i tried to use as an excuse for not exercising. still, i know i was born with genetics that work against me and although i�m still five pounds overweight for my age and height, my battle to stay fit is a routine that causes me shame when i pass it up. so i ran in the rain. ironically, too, i wore old sneakers which for some reason were missing the souls and cushion. i didn�t realize this until i was three miles out, but i continued in the rain, without comfort and in my overweight routine. this could be read as a sisyphus phenomenon or a typical bryan experience, but it is what happened. i�m happy to admit that i ran wonderfully despite the obstacles. i write this, too, with the knowledge that i don�t give up, i try hard and no, things aren�t easy. i am very much human.
ah. but on my run my brain was racing a million synapses a minute. i was trying to put into place everything i�ve learned, experienced, discussed and felt over my thirty two years of life and more importantly, what this meant for the 2004 election. registered a democratic since i turned 18, fighting for liberal causes for as long as i can remember, and voraciously reading academic texts since i�ve learned they existed, i�ve been at struggle with how my heart really feels is right for our world at this time in history. i�ve been thinking a lot about how others felt during world war one and world war two, vietnam, the civil war, the revolutionary war, etc. when they were ethically asked to support or not support actions being taken at that time and whether any of the actions were right or wrong. my conclusion was that in terms of history, individual opinion is not as important as the events which occur in themselves. so, i�ve been trying to predict how textbooks will handle our current period and i realize, it might depend on numerous factors.
i�m going to lay out events and thoughts i�ve had throughout the last months and then i�m going to go vote. this is how i operate, and even though i didn�t list this as an objective today, i wouldn�t be able to move on if i didn�t do this:
september 11, 2001: this doesn�t need justification but it is an event which happened and it became a catalyst that would create paradigm shifts within the world and amongst individuals. mine was shifted on that day, and all i could keep saying was �brilliant�. I couldn�t describe the effect that the towers had on me except for brilliant. see. i saw it as a slap against america�s face because economic structures were destroyed and symbolically, i thought this was good. capitalism was bad. america needed to wake up. america was not everywhere else. we should be ashamed at our wealth, etc. that was my first reaction, but then it was my nature to pursue my thinking more.
september 11, 2001 also opened a door which i�ve walked through and will never be able to return back to go in agan. the day it happened, i was one of a few teachers who didn�t not create a spectacle out of it for my students. instead, i went on with the work i had planned, and awaited a few weeks before addressing it. why? i wanted to read and learn more. i wanted to understand why this happened before i opened my mouth to direct the thinking of my students.
my search has had me wrestle with my intrinsic quest for truth and good, and as a result, it has catapulted me out of the circle of friends that i used to be in total agreement with.
someone hates america and what it stands for: democracy and free thought. they hate it so much that they want us dead, burn our flags and teach their children that hate is okay and their God justified their choice to destory us. although i�d like to divorce capitalism from democracy, i realize that it is capitalism: wealth and prosperity which keeps people free and allows a majority the emancipation they deserve. although socialism and communism have intrigued me, i know that pigs feel �everyone is equal, but some are more equal than others�. i�ve delved back into sociology texts and the study of human behavior and recognize, some people are good. some people are bad. a majority are in between the two, and anyone who refuses to see the capacity of evil in all of their neighbors is rather stupid. (i suppose though, in �some� neighborhoods and flights, it is easier to forget that there are others that aren�t like themselves ... in fact, it may be the �themselves� that are the scariest threat)
these last two years, i�ve learned that i used to love to hear no evil, see no evil and say no evil. because i was a good man, i surrounded myself with good people who, for the most part, heard no evil (well, to a point), saw no evil (only a little in their neighborhoods, but they were safe) and said no evil (because, to be politically correct was best --- feelings aren�t to be hurt, etc). 9/11 shook me up. there was no running from evil.
i recognized too that the man i am today is a result of hardships, struggle, hurt feelings, keeping my eyes open and aiming, still, for goodness, which makes me unique. when one is always trying to see everyone else feel safe, happy, understood and with a feeling of security, it is ENABLING. If a mother bird does not teach its fledgling the world �outside a nest� it is not keeping baby bird�s interest in mind. It is setting that young bird up for failure, because mother birds can not protect its offspring once it leaves her nest.
i like my world good. yet, because i surround myself with goodness, does not mean that bad no longer exists elsewhere.
teaching
i have learned more from teaching than all my years of classroom experience. i can honestly say that i think the majority of kids i�ve taught in the last eight years are really good kids. even so, these really good kids, like myself, have had the capacity for doing bad. hello? we�re human!
as a result, too, i�ve learned the art of �drawing lines�. this is acceptable, and this is unacceptable.
a good example of this is simply by doing what is expected. i give assignments and if the kids do them, they pass. if they do not, they will not pass. over the years, i�ve seen brilliant kids with incredible iq�s fail because they didn�t do the work expected. doing work and what is expected is a norm i like to uphold in my classroom, and it is the best lesson i can teach.
the opposite of this is allowing kids to get by, talk back, lie, cheat and manipulate me in order for them to pass. kids do the strangest things when they are wrong in their actions including talking back, lying, cheating and manipulating me. i am a very approachable teacher and i DO allow for kids to spill their guts with excuses, tell me their side of any story, and line up their family�s history all in the name of �reasons� why they don�t complete the work. I also work overtime in helping them to outdo these obstacles. YET, the line is drawn and there is no excuse. They still fail when they don�t get the work done when it is expected.
perhaps this is too militant and harsh, but i go back to the three monkeys who dislike seeing, hearing and speaking evil. i�m trying to figure out a time in my life when things have been easy for me. they became easy, i suppose, when i played the game, began making money and had the ability to make educated choices for myself. but that�s a lie. it�s still not easy, yet i�d rather be where i am now than when i was working several jobs, going to school full time, and still making ends meet.
we need structure. we need limits. we need reasons for these limits and structure. boundaries are good and there is such a thing as TOO MUCH freedom (yes, Nietsche, I know you say only in chaos is everyone free, but Nietsche, only in chaos is everyone scared to death twenty four hours a day)
michael moore and hollywood (speaking of chaos and too much freedom)
In 2003, a lot of buzz was had about �Bowling for Columbine�. I liked �Roger and Me� and remember how much in agreement I was as a college kid when I came across that film. So, renting Bowling for Columbine I watched it. I was appalled!!!
The night I viewed it I realized that something had happened to me from my undergraduate days through my eight years as a teacher. If he was my student and he was to submit that film as a project grade(even an outline for an essay), i would fail him. why? although I agreed with some of his thesis, he had speculation, wild accusation and no empathy with how he threaded the movie together. (he uses people which is very sick) the flashiness of his ideas and pastiche work of clever editing also tried desperately to get me to follow him, but all my years of education and learning brought me to one conclusion. this man was an idiot. more than that, he was sick idiot. how could he piece together that film which made fun of so many american people and the democracy i value, all in the name of him being a democratic guru?
i began to research him. i knew little. i wanted to know who was supporting his work and why. i also wanted to know his audience because as a portfolio teacher of writing, i have learned that knowing the audience is the surest way to produce a particular style of writing. you have to know what they want in order to get what you want.
michael moore, it was obvious to me, wanted to make americans paranoid (which his audiences already were -- very much like anyone who gets really into ghost stories or ufo abduction tales..they want to believe it so much that they don�t rationalize very well), all at the same time he wanted to make himself rich. the man is EVERYTHING he criticizes: manipulative, greedy, gluttonous, hypocritical, capitalistic, opinionated, righteous, esoteric and angry.
he reminded me of the joke, �what�s the difference between a democrat and a republican?� -- the way it is spelled. well, he was spelling c-a-p-i-t-a-l-i-s-t p-i-g, and, even if I disagree with him 100%, all power to him. in a democracy, everyone can get what he or she wants and this is wonderful. it is okay that he is doing this. what scared me is that so many people were (and remain) behind what he is saying as truth (old students of mine email me about how their professors are showing this film in their classrooms as great documentaries!!!!) this brings me question �who were their teachers?�. �how did they get by without learning to think?�
then i started to realize another thing. hollywood is the norm of education. we validate all our thinking and ideas through �movies� we�ve seen and honestly, i have grown tired of the american phenomenon of educated people who spend their free time: a) going to a movie, b) going to dinner and then c) analyzing the film. why? it seems to me that adulthood is not living life for many of our free thinking society, but watching others live life on screen so that we can continue the academic game of deconstructing art: its aesthetics, meaning and purpose.
This is okay, and this is good. only in america.
HOWEVER, this is a privilege.
Hollywood is currently spending 60 million dollars per film and usually making double that in profit. Over a 100 films are made each year and it is the norm for americans to utilize these films as what is real and normal. okay, fine.
this year, too, hollywood is sending out Utopic speakers to preach the gospel of being an American....as if their undying talent of memorizing lines, wearing makeup and spewing out two hours of American luxury is difficult. Sure, they�re lucky to have made it (like lottery winners) but why are they so grandiose in teaching Americans what is best. They�re actors. They perform for a living. AND THEY MAKE A TON OF MONEY. (maybe this is why i feel �Team America� controversial and campy, was brilliant. Good for those two and their sense of humor)
All this is okay, but are we thankful?
sudanese lost boys
reading the story of sudanese lost boys intrigued me and for four years i�ve worked as a mentor to refugees in louisville. i�ve been with them through the struggle of getting jobs, paying back the government who sponsored their flights, learning to drive and juggle responsibilities: payments, etc. i�ve been with them as their homelands have sought money, and i was with them after one was shot by an american for simply being the wrong person at the wrong time.
what has this taught me? to be thankful. to see that although america is not perfect, it is better than most places. i realize that i need to shut up and work harder. there�s much to be done. where they come from �being shot at� was normal. even being raped by other men was a reality of their childhood. in america, they have hope. perhaps that is what we, america, are....hope that there�s a better life out there.
women
my views are liberal. i am for the equality of men, women, children, etc. i believe in the democracy full-heartedly and when i spent six years reading feminist literature, african american literature, asian american literature, the classics, etc. i loved it all. to me, diversity and diverse thinking was the greatest way to help me learn who I was: and I AM a white male (subjected to all that comes with that, including the �power� i�ve never really had nor �wanted�) who has tried to understand the world of others and continue to do so today.
when i began teaching, i instantly created a unit where i split boys up from girls and we could discuss a discourse without the hassle of opposite sexes to �influence� the thinking. i believe it worked, and i often showed videos from oprah of �women in the middle east� who had acid thrown on their faces for turning down male advances, but also �women who�ve had clitorectomies�. Why? Because I wanted them to see that it�s not easy being a woman and the traditional roles, that still base our society, are more severe in other parts of the world.
In 2003, i had an exchange student from Pakistan who was scared to death of American education, but soon fit into it and was successful. She was muslim, very bright, had much personality and grew more than most students in one year. I asked her when she was getting ready to leave what is the one thing she learned in America that she loved and the one thing that she hated. She said, �I love that in America, women are seen as equal. I will ask my father why this is as soon as I get home. The one thing I hate is that I have to return home and I�m afraid that no one will listen to me because I�m a girl�. Her answer was chiseled into my mind.
Recently, I read Reading Lolita In Tehran which is about Western Literature, woman of Iran, extreme traditions, and the illegal nature of women and men reading what they choose to read. What I gained from that is that democracy allows for choice and choice is a good thing, but more rare in the world than I thought.
education
throughout my undergraduate days, i also was learning something else. i was working class and had working class values. i did well, too, and it wasn�t until i entered the �real world� that i began to see how abnormal my �viewpoint� of education was, in that i came from a working class family and earned a degree. for the most part, those in school with me were from middle class backgrounds with college educated parents and norms. this i aspired to. yet, for many americans now, they are �born on third base, thinking they hit a triple�. they don�t do the extra work it�ll take to steal home.
i am now alfred doolittle, however. i feel i�ve been gentrified and it is difficult to explain myself and this situation to others. i have learned the art of professional speaking and know the games of moving myself forward in the world. for this i�m lucky, too.
but, i�ve also learned that only 23% of the U.S. has a college education. That means 77% do not.
Only 1% of the world has an education (and even owns a computer) and that means 99% do not..
My point, the majority of the world is not like me and definitely not like us. They are something else and I have to remember this as i make decisions with this election.
my grandfather
my grandfather was in the pacific in world war ii. i never talked to him about this experience but did put together a book of his photos when he died. years later, when i was teaching the holocaust i began to think more of his gallant effort. i regretted he was not alive to share with me more. he was a soldier, something i have never been.
saving private ryan
for four years a colleague of mine showed the movie �saving private ryan� and i would use that time to grade, file and get other things done. i never watched it, yet she and the kids would talk about it all the time. i admit, i did not watch the film because it was violent and i abstain from movies which are violent because i�d rather ignore the possibilites out there. finally, though, i made the time to sit and really watch the film. although it was fictionalized by spielberg, and pretty graphic in parts, it was based on historical truth. suddenly, and i don�t know why -- actually i do -- i began reading as much as i could about this war. there was an epiphany within me. I was being spoiled, ignorant and completely dumb for ignoring the things I didn�t want to admit occur.
in college, i�ve come to realize, too, other than the Odyssey and The Aneid, we did not read much about war. we also didn�t get much history to coincide with our textual reads. i know it is my fault that i didn�t know history and in recent years, i�ve been trying to catch up via scaffolding historical texts, dates and ideologies that have occurred since the greeks. i�ve actually remained in love with learning this, but i must admit, my world view has changed immensely.
whereas i used to read books and analyze them with other lit majors, intellectually masturbating my mind, it was a privileged phenomenon. what good did this do for the world? yes, thinking is good, but what good is thinking among the people who think just like me? better yet, what good is thinking around the converted people who think like me -- 77% percent of America, obviously does not, and maybe I went into teaching to find out..
my point, however, is that although war is horrendous, sick and evil, it is what brought AMERICA to be what it is today. In terms of Western society, we are what we are because of wars. I said it, but why did I choose to ignore it? Was it because I was a wimp? Was it because I was better than it? Was it because I�m a peaceful man so I wanted others around me to be peaceful? Probably yes, but there was a huge change that occurred to me in my late twenties. Those before me died so I�d have my freedom to ask such questions.
sadam hussein
when america first went into iraq, the second time, i had flashbacks to the protests of my undergraduate days. i do not believe in war and was against this. yet, this second time around i realize i do believe in war, even if I still hate it. war brings destruction and death. but, war also brings freedom and hope for others. (if i listened only to people like me, bambi would be trampled by godzilla for sure)
i read all about sadam hussein and his sons when much was written about them. they were pleasant fellows, weren�t they? they were just and very un-Hitler like. i would have liked to have a beer with them and discuss movies sometime. i would have liked to take them out for a good Vietnamese dinner and talk about Fahrenheit 911 (which, by the way, does not have the acceptance of Ray Bradbury, even, and Trey Parker and Matt Stone did NOT do the �South Park� like cartoon, which was one of the better parts of Bowling for Columbine....that would be Moore being evil, again).
Is it wrong to, perhaps, bring freedom to an oppressed society? Do we belong there?
eek. I don�t really know, but I do know that September 11th was an invitation very much like Pearl Harbor. I do know that Sadam is gone, as are his sons, and no, Osama Bin Laden is still at large.
I can�t help but think, though, that what we�re doing under George Bush�s leadership is right and just. America is disliked because we allow women to vote....we allow people to choose....we�ve separated church from state....we are rich among the many ... we have toys, luxuries and MOVIE THEATERS....we allow for choice, and educate the many. We have to remember this.
final thought
I think this is why I support George W. Bush. I think, historically, he will go down as an asshole who had the guts to draw lines in the world. He is the �mother fucker� texan who is standing up for America, and fighting John Kerry, Michael Moore, Alec Baldwin, Al Qaida, the Taliban, Chechnyan rebels and Osama Bin Laden, who are all arguing the same point about America and the Western world. They all seem to have a similar thesis, even if they approach their styles differently.
Hmmm. and I�m a democrat. I believe in democracy and rights, etc. However, I believe in these rights for every human in every country in every world. The way I see it, America is lucky to have what we have, and the decisions we make right now will show the world how we feel. If we don�t draw lines at this moment in history, we may not always have the rights in the future to draw such lines (the Iranian Parliament voting to uphold their Nuclear Weapons while chanting �No more America� as shown on CNN, North Korea, dead school children, both democrats and republicans beating up one another over an opinion....most disturbing to me are the shots of young liberal college students punching WWII veterans for supporting Bush�s actions in Iraq).
I think America needs to recognize how fragile our time is. The road to hell is paved with good intentions, most indeed. But, Aristotle said, �every civilization bears the seed of its own destruction�. I can�t help but think that this bizarre alignment of Michael Moore, John Kerry, Osama Bin Laden�s declaration against America, etc, seems to be a seed which might destroy
America from within and without. This is haunting to me.
It seems to me that my liberal friends and allies have now become the hateful, spiteful, scared-to-death warriors that they�ve criticized for a long time. In my mailbox throughout this political season I�ve seen many campaigns against our current president: almost lethal in their accusations, etc. I investigated the truth behind their claims and they were exaggerated to promote their own party�s political power. Not good. Not good at all.
I�ve also watched the news and read the papers.
The following sums it up. On Saturday, October 30th, when Osama Bin Laden released his new tape, the Courier Journal did not let it make front page news. In fact, it was on page ten. Instead, they promoted Kerry, reported a movie review, and seemed to have lost all critical thinking and reporting skills (this is the same week Yarmuth in his anti-Courier, liberal paper spent $20,000 of his own money to get Bush out of office --- he can�t even recognize that he, too, a golfer and east end, lucky human being of Louisville Kentucky, is despised for having the luxury to spend such a phenomenal amount of money to promote an opinion!!!).
Writers tend to be liberal because they�re educated, and education is liberally biased....but, there�s even more to learn. Bush has been labeled an �idiot� because he was born rich and speaks idiotically. Well, world, I�m an idiot too and often my grammar is corrected. I have a college education for what that�s worth. YET, I know there is a right and a wrong in the world. I think everyone knows this. I think, though, they�re afraid to admit it.
I love Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings. They, too, draw lines through characters, coalitions, and a discussion of good and bad.
Voldemort is back, America. Saruman�s eye is lit and blazing. As much as I hate to admit it, the two of them are living in parts of the world who have not had a renaissance, enlightenment, nor been privy to the coincidences of wars and civilization which has been the building block of the west.
I have a choice now, today, on election day. I can believe the monsters are back and fight against it: Harry Potter and Gandalf, or I can believe my president is a liar, a moron, and a sneak, like Professor Umbridge, the Orcs and America�s liberal left (the middle east�s extreme islamic right).
I will vote for George W. Bush and perhaps one day, I will regret it. I know, however, deep in my mind, body and soul, it is the right decision for a better world, tomorrow.
B.R.Crandall
